Relationships – A colleague of mine recently posted a quote on Instagram from Wayne Dyer that said, “How people treat you is their story; How you react is theirs.” I personally love this quote so I was surprised by how strongly I was triggered by what another person had to say in the comments section of the post.
I won’t go into specific detail but in a nutshell this person was saying that they used to find a lot wisdom in Wayne Dyer’s work until they found out he left his wife and seven children to marry a younger woman and now in their eyes he had become just a selfish man who cast aside his family for his own lustful urges. In essence, he fell off his pedestal as a spiritual leader.
This comment, to be frank, irritated the shit out of me for several reasons.
For starters, I never felt it was my business to speculate on another person’s relationship. If they want to end it, who am I to have any right to say anything especially if it’s not MY relationship? I have no idea what went on in the private moments of that person’s relationship.
People put on a good front A LOT especially when it comes to relationships because it’s SHAMEFUL in our society if it doesn’t work out ESPECIALLY because the “peanut gallery” always has something to say which brings me to point number two.
A LOT of people stay in relationships that aren’t good for them because they’re worried about what others’ think. They will deny their OWN WELL-BEING just to do what they think SOCIETY and the court of public opinion (or their mother or their own ego or social media or their career or their social stature or…you get the picture) thinks they SHOULD do.
Many people stay stuck in relationships that are causing them severe emotional stress just to assuage the opinions of others and delay tending to their own well-being until the pain of staying is greater than the pain of being judged by others.
I find it a crying shame that we (as the court of public opinion) pressure others to stay in relationships/situations that aren’t good for them based on our own uninformed perspective just to make ourselves feel better.
That said, this person’s comment also got me thinking about how society views relationships overall and here’s where I may make a few controversial statements but like the fierce Sagittarius that I am, I MUST speak my truth.
I must say that I disagree strongly with the ego-based values that many people in our society currently place upon relationships that say it’s okay to treat your partner as a possession and to try to control their will and choices to adhere to my expectations of behavior to cater to my insecurities.
In my opinion, it’s never okay to try to force somebody to do (or NOT do) something just to make ME feel better.
This is ego-based and it never works out in the end. I can guarantee that the other person will do one of two things (or both!)-become extremely resentful of my attempts to control them and/or secretly go do what they really want anyway.
What does this have to do with Wayne Dyer’s life decisions you might ask? His PERSONAL decision to leave his marriage doesn’t make him any less integrous as a spiritual leader in my opinion. In fact, I think it makes him MORE SO.
Navigating our personal relationships and staying true to what’s right for our soul IS SPIRITUAL WORK and aligning with that inner truth IS the Soul Journey. Keeping up appearances to make others happy would display a LACK of integrity with ONESELF.
I actually hold no judgment for anyone who is stuck in that painful place of keeping up appearances. I was there myself for a LONG time.
Staying stuck, living in ambivalence and what I call “waffling” energy is the most painful and exhausting part. Maybe that’s why I was so triggered by this Instagram commenter’s judgmental attitude.
Judgment like that makes a hard situation even harder. I’m astute enough to realize that the Instagram commenter was coming from a wounded perspective-one who was hurt by abandonment-and, trust me, I empathize with that wound because I lived it myself. But since then, I have done a LOT of work to own my shit and heal myself.
This Instagram commenter may believe that it’s not right to do what makes you happy if others suffer for it. But that suffering is often self-imposed brought about by the ego’s expectations. “They were SUPPOSED to keep me safe. They PROMISED never to leave.”
The truth is, safety is an illusion and true peace comes from within. We can end our own suffering when we take our power back. And we must not use our own wounds or ego-based fears as an excuse to interfere in another’s right to choose what is right for them.
When we are truly empowered, nothing anyone else does can affect who we REALLY are.
Now, I do not advocate being an inconsiderate jerk (there’s always a KIND way to say and do things) but the fact is when you choose to do what’s right for you, people still might be hurt by your choices and they need to own their own stuff.
Who’s more selfish? The person expecting you to not do what’s right for you to make THEM happy or you trying to align with your own well-being?
Abraham Hicks talks about this concept at length in many of his/her recordings. If you are not in alignment with your source or inner truth (in the vortex), you will always try to control external circumstances and the behavior of others to make yourself feel better.
The thing is you have the power to make yourself feel better REGARDLESS OF THE BEHAVIOR OF OTHERS and you have the right to make yourself feel better REGARDLESS OF THE OPINIONS OF OTHERS.
Seek your connection to source. Make the soul journey to your inner truth and what’s right for you.
Along the way, the opinions of others will and HAVE TO become irrelevant. When you are aligned with your inner truth you will not entertain anyone else’s attempts to pull you out of your own sense of well-being.
They will call you selfish. Let them. They will (hopefully) eventually align with their own inner truth and what you do, say and choose will be irrelevant to THEIR well-being as well.
While connected to your inner truth, you can engage in all of your relationships from a place of freedom. Holding space for someone to be who they are authentically without trying to change them is the greatest gift you can give anyone starting with yourself.
When you hold space to be FREE to be yourself, you can do this for others. ESPECIALLY when they do something that threatens your sense of safety or security like choosing to leave the relationship.
When you become centered in self (not to be confused with the ego-based shadow version of self-centered) and aligned with your inner truth, your peace and well-being comes from within and not external circumstances.
Become so connected to source that you KNOW no matter what happens, the universe has your back and (to quote Abraham Hicks), “everything is always working out for me.”
My point in all of this? Do not allow the opinions of others to keep you from doing what’s right for you.
If you’re struggling with this aspect of your soul journey, CLICK HERE to get on the phone with me.
Much love to you,
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