“Getting your needs met” has always been an emotionally charged statement for me rife with meaning-making and the possibility of overreaction.
As many of you know my story, my biological father abandoned me at the age of seven months old. This “wound” has shaped me in countless ways and paradoxically made me stronger.
Ironically, when you’re feeling “abandoned” or “needy” other people sense this hole in your spirit and often run in the other direction or even ridicule you for it which just perpetuates the abandonment wound.
I was angry for the longest time that I was judged by others for this hole in my spirit that I didn’t create. I was angry that I was left to struggle with this wound and even HIDE it from others just so I could seem “normal”.
It was hard for me to form healthy friendships growing up. I was either a loner or overly attached. There was no balance. I learned to “abandon” myself before I let anyone else do it. I was terrified that others would recognize that hole in my spirit and reject me so I pretended I didn’t need anyone or anything.
And in many ways I learned I actually DIDN’T. That is the beauty of the abandonment wound. The light side of that shadow is self-sufficiency. I became REALLY GOOD at self-sufficiency.
In psychology, there is this phenomenon known as comparison bias in which our mind holding on to a certain belief-seeks out proof or evidence that this belief is true. So, psychologically speaking if you’re suffering from an abandonment wound you will naturally seek out evidence of abandonment as it shows up in your life.
If you’re operating in this “abandoned” energetic pattern you’re going to attract people who will honor this vibration and show you circumstances to prove that abandonment is “real.” And if you don’t interrupt this pattern then you just keep reinforcing your beliefs as ABSOLUTE TRUTHS when they actually ARE NOT.
But to truly HEAL the abandonment wound is to repair your ability to trust that another will provide for you and to actually be able to RECEIVE what they are giving.
I call “bullshit!” on the idea of total self-sufficiency. At some point, it’s HEALTHY and NORMAL to ask for what you need from others and expect to get it. Yes, you are the co-creator of your reality with source but sometimes the universe uses others to deliver what you need.
True healing takes place when you feel you have the right to ask for what you need and you ALLOW yourself to receive it.Basically, a need met goes away.
We are responsible for meeting our own needs. Asking for what we need from others and EXPECTING TO GET IT is an act of meeting our own needs.
If you suffer from abandonment issues and you’re feeling overly needy but the world is showing you “not enough”, it’s time to have the courage to really ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED AND EXPECT TO GET IT.
This can be tricky if you’ve assigned a lot of shame to your “neediness”. The truth is we ALL have these feelings from time to time. Release your shame by loving YOURSELF in that abandoned place. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT that you were not given what you needed as a child. Blaming yourself just re-injures the wound.
Love yourself enough to interrupt that old abandoned energetic pattern and HAVE THE COURAGE TO ASK FOR WHAT YOU NEED. Start looking for ways you ARE “getting your needs met” and ALLOW YOURSELF TO RECEIVE from others.
Show up for yourself and the universe will send you people who will show up for you too.
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