I’ve experienced creative blocks for most of my life and yet I feel like I have so much to express and I’m the only one blocking it. Lately, I’ve given up my performance-driven mentality. What I mean is this concept that in order to be loved or to be “good” or acceptable one must perform a certain way to conform to society’s norms or to “earn one’s keep.”
Like you just can’t be loved or DESERVING of love if you’re lazy or underperforming to society’s norms. Being a type-A perfectionist was killing me and, frankly, now I think I’m so much stronger for being a perfectionist who has allowed myself to be imperfect. See, for a perfectionist, one who thinks they have to earn their keep, or who has to perform the best at everything-being anything less than perfect is a form of suicide.
It kills the self-esteem for sure. But honestly, sitting with the anxiety of imperfection and getting to the place of feeling WORTHY whether I’m perfect or not, has given me so much freedom to love myself better. There have been times that I was the only one showing myself compassion and love if I was underperforming or failing, frankly.
But you have no idea how powerful it feels to not give a shit if people like or accept you or how powerful it feels to say, “Yeah, I’ve failed. I’m no good at this or that and I’m still WORTHY.” Sit with that for a minute and really get what that feels like. It feels like freedom. It feels like meeting my edges and expanding. It feels like unchartered territory but I’m not afraid anymore because along with worthiness comes faith.
Bless yourself and love this space of imperfection.