Has anyone else been feeling very emotional lately? I feel like YEARS of emotional trauma and grief seem to finally be releasing themselves from my body (energetic and physical). This can be a very scary sensation if a person is out of touch with themselves and can’t recognize it for what it is.
I realize my ego-based beliefs about myself have stunted my ability to be compassionate for myself and others going through similar experiences. The last several months have been an internal battle between my Female Wounded Warrior archetype and my desire to evolve to the Divine Goddess archetype.
What does that translate to? I have always identified with being the strong, independent female (which is perfectly acceptable) but when being so is a fearful reaction to the idea of being vulnerable and requiring or DESIRING safety and support from others (masculine energy) then being in “warrior mode” is not being authentic to every aspect of myself.
I love and respect this piece of my spirit as it has served me well over the years and carried me through some very scary and challenging places in my life. But now, I feel like it’s time to sit back and address-HEAL- all of the wounds I’ve ignored while clamoring for a sense of “safety”.
It’s time to allow myself to receive that safe and healing energy in order to move me to the next phase of my life’s purpose. I’ve done some pretty badass things in my life-traveled cross-country on a bus by myself at 18, enlisted in the U.S. Navy (to this day the most transformative and empowering thing I’ve ever done for myself), served as a Deputy Sheriff during VERY trying times as a law enforcement officer.
But now-it’s time to use that strength to be a safe harbor for myself and provide purpose and service to others. I’ve always felt called to bring the light to others going through darkness. Maybe that’s why I’m finding it so challenging to let go of this warrior mindset. When you get to the edge of darkness to reach those on the edge, you must have this internal light that the darkness can’t touch.
Recently I started reading “Don’t Let Anything Dull Your Sparkle” by Doreen Virtue and she talks a lot about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Like every warrior, my ego can’t reconcile with this inability to cope. I don’t want to admit there are things causing me pain that I don’t want to carry around anymore.
I worry that there are other warriors who have carried more than me that are going to judge me for weakness. Especially men in the male-dominated career field I’m in who view being emotional as weakness. Yet I intrinsically understand that healing comes from a place of surrender, a very feminine energy that is so strong itself.
I’m willing to overcome my ego and ascend to a new paradigm for myself (and the world) that ALSO values the divine feminine. For how can the Divine Goddess be anything less than strength in feminine form? I do believe I am already tapping into this energy. Here’s to being my authentic self!!