When I was younger I got in the habit of delaying happiness in my life. This habit robbed me of the joy of being happy in the present moment and I stole it from myself.
It started when I was growing up living in my parents’ house and my boyfriend went away in the Army. I lived for the time when his enlistment was up and he could come back home to me and be happy. I also waited for the time I would graduate and gain my freedom to move out of my parents’ house.
Yeah, my boyfriend finished his enlistment and he came back home but….we broke up six months after that. And, yeah, I did graduate and I did go cross-country (by myself on a Greyhound bus but that’s a story for another time) but these things didn’t give me the ultimate satisfaction of feeling happy I was looking for.
But still, I kept striving for that next external circumstance to change in an attempt to make me feel better inside. I joined the Navy and put my happiness on hold “until I could be assigned to a permanent duty station.” I got married and started a family and when that became the source of my discontent I put my happiness on hold “until my divorce was final.”
This pattern of putting my well-being on hold until some future event occurred played out in so many other areas-“until I got my degree”, “until he leaves his wife”, “until I start my business”….You get the picture.
I finally wised up to the fact that waiting and putting my life on hold was a self-sabotaging habit that kept me from having to show up fully in my life. The thing is, I learned this habit as a defense mechanism to protect my ego from trauma in my life.
Sometimes old habits that are hurting us now start out as a way to PROTECT ourselves.
If you’re ready to examine old habits that are no longer serving you, click HERE to hop on the phone with me.
Here’s to deciding there’s a better way to be RIGHT NOW…..
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